First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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