We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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