based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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