So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
