If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
