Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i love accidental penises.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
