so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
