I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
