Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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