his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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