either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
