If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
