its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
