O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I checked into jail on foursquare
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
