Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
