we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
