true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
