soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
