if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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