Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
