it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
