In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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