I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
