I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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