I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
