I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
