How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
