okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
