So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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