Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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