hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
