I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
last night I used snow as a chaser
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
