There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
