Your tits are I can't wait for
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What a dumb baby whore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
