Non-Jews are for practice
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
