Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
