Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
