Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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