alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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