Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just threw up on my dentist
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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