It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
