From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
