whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
