yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
