she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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