You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
