ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
