My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
