Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
