i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
