isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
